Salvation
by Iellwen Arwen
Summary: A short drabble as to what Esme was thinking when she jumped, up until her transformatin began.


Her grief consumed her, and with each step Esme could feel a new break in her heart, a new piece shattering. Her baby, the only salvation she could find in the mess that was her life, had been taken from her not three days after he'd been born. She couldn't bear it. Seven years of waiting, seven years hoping and praying for a child, only to have it snatched away from her before she even had a chance to start a life with him. Although, she supposed that this was best. Better to have never reall had him at all than to build something only to have him taken from her so soon. Her poor little Joshua Alexander...

All too soon she'd reached her destination. Looking out over the waters below, she felt suddenly frightened. Did she really want to go through with this? The throbbing of what was left of her heart said yes. Better death than face the loneliness of a child's grave and the fear of being found by Charles. The thought sent a shiver down her spine. That thought, that fear giving her courage, she took a few steps back, then ran forward, leaping from the cliff with a burst of energy such as she'd never felt before in her life.

It was oddly relaxing, this falling, the feel of the wind rushing past her. It was comforting to know that the end was near. The pain would soon be gone, replaced by a new, temporary one. Anything to distract her from the aching in her very soul. But, even Death, it seemed, had reason to avoid her. instead of her body breaking on the rocks as she wished, she fell into the icy black waters and was dragged into the river's undertow, thrown against the stones beneath the water's surface as she was dragged about.

Esme didn't fight, didn't try to break the surface as the current pulled her. She let herself be tossed like a rag doll, hoping it would all be over soon. As a new blackness bordered on her consciousness, she welcomed it greatly. This was warm, friendly, inviting, like a courdory armchair by the fire on a winter night. She sank into oblivion as her body washed ashore, a small smile tracing her lips.

The hours that followed were spent filtering in and out of consciousness. She was vaguely aware of voices around her, male ones. She cringed away, not wanting to be found, to be brought back. _Go!_ she screamed, although she couldn't find her voice. _Leave me be! Leave me here to die! It is what I want!_ But she could not find the strength even to pull herself out of this darkness. So she sank back into it, fading out again.

When next she came around, she was aware of something firm beneath her, not the sandy riverbank. Esme wondered where she was, why she was there, but again couldn't find it in herself to come around. It was quiet here, at least. Almost too quiet. It frightened and comforted her all at once. At least, she had found peace. Drifting, she bordered on unconsciousness until a new sound came to her. Footsteps. Male, but somehow lighter than what she was used to. It almost reminded her of Charles. They grew closer, closer, until soon they stopped.

She was aware of a presence next to her, and struggled to make things clearer. Who was this? Why wasn't she dead? She should have long since lost the battle for life. A voice, speaking to himself, murmuring quietly, broke through her haze. it was familiar. She knew this voice. it wasn't Charles' harsh, drunken slur, it was warmer, kinder. Where had she heard it before?

Those thoughts were pushed away as a new pain brought her sharply out of her haze and into consciousness. A sting at her neck, then burning. Flames licked at her from her core, bringing a broken, guttural cry from the back of her throat. "Esme?" the voice asked quietly. She tried to open her eyes, to search for him, but couldn't. Another groan, her hand twitched. "Esme, it's alright. You're going to be alright."

It was coming to her now. The voice, how she knew it. But, no, she couldn't be this lucky. Forcing her eyes open ever-so-slightly, she hissed against the pain from the light overhead, flinching away until they adjusted. Again, the wild search began, and this time she found him. Her doctor, her angel. Carlisle. She sighed, her eyes falling closed as the darkness reached for her again, pulled her under. But this time, she was not afraid. For her angel had come for her, and no matter what happened, all would be right again, somehow.


End file.
